Day 3: Warrior I (Virabhadrasana I)
1) What was the most damaging event in your life that gave you negative self-image?
In 4th grade we had a class physical that included a weigh-in. This was all kept private but kids are kids and the girls in my class were all talking about how much they weighed. I was over 10 pounds heavier than all of my friends. I was ashamed so I lied and said I weighed what they did. I had no context at that age for why people of the same age had different weights. It didn’t matter to me that I was taller than most of my friends, that I played sports and had more muscles than most of my friends… None of that mattered. None of that was explained to me. I just felt shame. And ever since then it has been something on my mind. My weight has fluctuated. I have been thin, I have been obese. I have been fit and I have been weak. And thin didn’t always match up with fit and fat didn’t always match up with weak.
I am FINALLY to a point where I understand that I am not defined by a number on the scale. The shame is falling off of me and I am just Jessica. I was 9 when my self-image was damaged most severely and it took me until the age of 23 to repair that damage. That’s 14 years of self-hate. It’s a lot to undo but I have made and continue to make such headway!
2) What are your views on religion?
Religion, to me, feels like a corporation- a business. That isn’t my thing. I am all for spirituality, for hope, for beliefs… but not profit from preying on people desperately seeking those things.